Malleable Beings
by CherikIsMoleculesOfLehnshavier
Summary: It's the night before Bucky is deployed for war and Steve doesn't want him to go. (Pre-serum Steve! STUCKY FLUFF!)


All they had was each other and soon that would be lost as well. But they didn't think about that, they cherished every moment with each other. The cold early mornings in the little apartment, spread out on the mattress underneath their one blanket watching the other sleep, or just staring into each others drowsy eyes, smiling foolishly. Whenever Steve's feet would get cold he'd press them against the side of Bucky's legs, ignoring the protests because the man was always so warm. They stayed in bed all day when they didn't have anything that needed to be done. Bucky would lean his head on his hand and watch Steve fall in and out of sleep, reaching out occasionally to gently trail his finger tips across his soft skin, just to make sure it was all real. When they did leave their warm, pleasant, bed they would sit on the floor and eat cereal, or Bucky would pose against the window for Steve while he sketched him for an hour or two, or at least until Buck got tired and would walk over to crouch behind Steve and see his work.

"I don't want you to go." Steve whispered against Bucky's shoulder. It was the night before he was going to be deployed and they were laying on the mattress again. Bucky was half asleep laying on his stomach with Steve draped over him, head on his shoulder; toying idly with the edges of his silky brown hair.

Bucky mumbled inaudibly and rolled over wrapping his arms protectively around Steve whose chin was now resting on his chest, big blue eyes staring up at him with a doleful look. He smiled sleepily and ran his fingers through Steve's hair languidly, eyelids drooping slightly as time passed.

The window was open and they could hear the rain outside, the way it gathered in the gutter at the top of the building and would spill over in heavy streams, pelting the sidewalk below and splashing the bricks that were already worn from the years of rain before.

"Don't fall asleep yet." Steve groaned, burying his face in Bucky's chest and clinging desperately to him. Bucky groaned in return and sat up against the wall, holding Steve against him still.

"I won't, I won't." He soothed, placing kisses upon the man's head and tightening his embrace. A cold breeze drifted through the window and caused some of the rain to get inside, spraying droplets on the wood floor.

"Why are you so worried?" He asked and Steve looked up at him before turning so that his back was against Bucky's chest and his head fell back upon his shoulder. "Hmmm?" Bucky asked again, securing his arms around the blonde's torso.

"Well it is a war and all." Steve replied while pretending to be distracted by invisible lint on Bucky's hand. He rolled his eyes knowingly but couldn't help the small smile that crept on his lips afterwards, it warmed his being to know that Steve cared about him so deeply.

"I'm going to be okay, I promise. And I'll come back, I'll always come back to you Steve," He buried his face in the blonde's neck, inhaling deeply the scent that was so familiar yet made his body feel alive. "I love you." He murmured, placing a gentle kiss in the crook of Steve's neck.

"I love you too." Steve sighed happily, tilting his head so that his lips could meet Bucky's. The kiss was sweet, something they would still feel on their lips long after it happened. Bucky had memorized the way Steve's lips moved against his, the way his tongue would shyly slip out to sweep across his lower lip for a taste.

Bucky pulled away and looked into Steve's eyes for a moment before lunging forward and pushing him onto his back, grinning mischievously as he pinned his wrists above his head. Steve laughed and squirmed beneath Bucky, unable to free himself from his lover's strong grip. He huffed and looked up at the brunette with slight irritation, which just made Bucky's grin widen.

"What are you gonna do about it, huh?" He teased and leaned down to nip at Steve's collarbone, chuckling at the gasp of pleasure that left the man's lips. Steve whined until Bucky leaned up and captured his lips with his own, smirking when Steve relaxed beneath him. The smirk quickly dissipated when Steve bit down on his lip hard, making him loosen his grip. The blonde took the opportunity to flip them over so he was straddling Bucky's waist.

"You have your ways, don't you?" Bucky couldn't help but smile as he looked up at Steve who had his arms crossed triumphantly. He put his hands behind his head and sighed contentedly, ignoring the slight throbbing pain from his lip and staring adoringly at the man above him, whose face soon fell back into the sorrowful expression it had been bearing earlier.

"This isn't goodbye, Steve." Bucky said, his heart tightening with sadness when Steve wouldn't meet his gaze. "But, you better not get into any trouble while I'm gone, this time I won't be there to save your ass." He chuckled when Steve shot him a look of irritation.

Steve grumbled and laid down beside Bucky with a quiet thump, his head laying in the crook of Bucky's arm as he cuddled up to his side.

"Stop pouting," Bucky wrapped his arm around Steve's shoulders and yawned loudly. "I'm gonna get some sleep while I still can." He said as he closed his eyes, smiling tiredly as Steve scooted closer to him.

Steve lay awake after Bucky fell asleep, listening to the sound of the rain, which had only gotten heavier as the night went on. The room was cold, but it was something they were both used to. He was actually thankful for it, at that moment; it chilled him and made him slightly numb to the pain that was stabbing his heart persistently. He pressed his cheek against Bucky's shoulder and sighed softly. His heart was heavy, figuring this would be his last night with Bucky for a long time, the last night that everything would be okay and that nothing would fall apart. Steve closed his eyes to trap the tears that had been welling in them. His hand found Bucky's and laced their fingers together, nuzzling his skin and trying to push away the thoughts that were haunting him so that he could hopefully get at least a few hours of sleep.

* * *

><p>"Bucky, hold on!" Steve shouted, leaning over the torn off edge of the train and reaching out to Bucky who was clinging onto the side for dear life, knuckles white and limbs straining to hold him up.<p>

Steve's fingers grazed his hand, grasping desperately but unable to get a hold on it. His eyes found Bucky's and saw the raw fear in them, the desperation. He reached out again, nearly falling as he tried to grab Bucky's hand once more. He could see Bucky scream as his grip loosened and then start to fall back, reaching out for Steve hopelessly.

"Bucky, no!" Steve screamed, barely able to even hear his own voice as he watched Bucky fall, his eyes wide open as the world rushed past and the ground came up to meet him. Steve could feel the tears falling freely from his eyes as Bucky disappeared from sight into the white snowy chasm below. It all felt like a play, like at any moment someone would shout cut and Bucky would walk through one of the doors completely okay. But it wasn't, he was gone. Steve felt a wave of nausea pass over him as the realization hit him, Bucky was dead; the man he loved was dead. When he had nothing he had Bucky and now, that was gone.

* * *

><p>"I won't fight you, you're my friend." Steve choked out watching with blurry bruised eyes as Bucky's fist came back again and connected with his face. It didn't hurt anymore, the physical pain was just background noise compared to what it felt like to look it Bucky's eyes and see nothing. No recognition, no love, nothing. He could still feel Bucky's lips on his own, like the night in their apartment just before he'd left for war.<p>

"You're my mission." The soldier replied, cocking his fist back, ready for a finishing blow. Steve looked up at him, his entire being aching at the need to scream to cry to grab Bucky and shake the living hell out of him but also kiss him till his lips were bruised. Everything had already fallen apart and when he had finally started to rebuild it this all came crashing down on him, the ghost of his past life that was trying it's hardest to kill him.

"Then finish it, because I'm with you till the end of the line. I love you, Bucky." Steve whispered.

Everything seemed to stop, the silence was deafening as Bucky stared down into the eyes of the bruised and battered man beneath him. I know him, Bucky thought, just as the platform they had been fighting on came loose and started to fall, taking Steve with it. The soldier watched as the captain fell towards the water below, memories filling his mind. Long nights they would lay awake together, laughing at nothing and listening to the sounds of the city outside the window. His lips tingled at the memory of a kiss, the last kiss. The man had been so much smaller back then, so much different. There had been so much life and love in his eyes and now all Bucky saw was pain; pain and sorrow.

Before Bucky even knew what he was doing he threw himself off of the crashing ship and into the water below, swimming down until he saw Steve, limp and sinking deeper into the dark water. He reached out and grasped Steve's hand, pulling him up with him through the crashing waves and the debris falling around them, before swimming with the still unconscious Steve, to shore. He dragged him onto the sand and dropped him there, standing over him and staring blankly.

"I know you." Bucky whispered, as he looked down at Steve, who was still unconscious. The soldier stayed for a moment longer, before turning his back and beginning to walk away, walk away from the one person who meant everything to him; the one person who made him feel human again and made him feel as though there was reason to live. Bucky spared one last glance over his shoulder and then trudged on, willing himself not to run back and hold Steve in his arms and hope that everything would be okay.

* * *

><p>Steve bolted upright, breathing heavily, sweat clinging to his skin. Trembling, he tried to calm himself from the nightmares, taking deep shuddering breaths. He'd never had such a horrible feeling in his life.<p>

"Babe, what's wrong?" He heard Bucky's sleepy, mumbling voice behind him and felt relief wash over him. It all had been just a dream, just a horrible dream. He heard rustling behind him and then felt Bucky's arms wrap around him and pull him back down onto the bed.

Steve squeezed his eyes shut and turned, burying his face in Bucky's neck as tears slipped from his closed eyes. Bucky sat up, feeling his tears against his skin, and pulled Steve closer to him.

"What happened? Are you okay?" His voice was worried now as he leaned back to get a look at Steve's tear stained, grief stricken face.

"I-It's nothing, just a dream." He managed, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

Bucky's brow furrowed but he nodded in understanding, before pulling Steve close again and resting his chin on top of his head.

"It's gonna be okay, Stevie, nothing's gonna happen to me." He soothed, kissing the top Steve's head.

Steve nodded against Bucky's neck, still holding onto him for dear life, though his words did give him some sense of comfort.

"Promise?" Steve asked and Bucky smiled, burying his face in the blonde's hair.

"I promise."


End file.
